WE ARE PARAMORE

In honor of Ain’t It Fun winning the Grammy for Best Rock Song earlier this month, I figured now would be the perfect time to write about my UNDYING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for this band. (I originally wanted to post this like the week after, but then I got this history paper and blah blah blah kinda forgot about this)

I first got into Paramore through the one and only, T-Swizzle. 

It was 2010 after Speak Now, what I thought was the greatest gift to mankind, had came out (aaaand after listening to “Airplanes” all summer). I was the typical eleven year old fan with internet access; for every song, I would google who it was about (duh). And, being the rebellious sixth grader that I was, my favorite song off the record was “Better Than Revenge”. My dad would always give me side glances when I would sing the “She’s only know for the things that she does on the mattress” line, but I didn’t care; I googled it as soon as he dropped me off. I found a yahoo news article about it, and in the comments, everyone was talking about how it sounds just like “Misery Business”. Since, Better Than Revenge goes so hard, I figured “wow THAT  song has to be pretty great too”. 

 
my unusual gateway drug

I don’t actually remember listening to this song first, but I do remember listening and watching the video to “Ignorance” that night, and falling in love. I was a dumb little sixth grader who thought she was better than everybody else, and nothing had ever fit that persona more than singing that song in your head every time one of your friends pissed you off. 

During the whole rest of the school year, I would come home, get on the computer whenever my mom let me, and watch and rewatch every music video. I learned every word (and the coordinated headbangs in “Ignorance”, don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about) and all their names and where they were from. Possibly most embarrassing of all, I distinctly remember playing their music videos in the backgrounds while playing Club Penguin *FACEPALMS SELF TO DEATH*. 

t york yelyah and jerm B)

Even with all that stuff, I still loved it. I had my mom buy me Brand New Eyes as soon as I first saw it in the store, and collected the other two along the way; making playlists on my iPod Classic of purely Paramore songs. Plus, I got The Final Riot! and my first band t shirt of any kind for Christmas 2 years ago, and of course, learned every word to all the live versions of the songs. I illegally downloaded every cover and b-side I could scour and scooped up the Singles Club as quick as possible.

Even with all that stuff, I still loved it. I had my mom buy me Brand New Eyes as soon as I first saw it in the store, and collected the other two along the way; making playlists on my iPod Classic of purely Paramore songs. Plus, I got The Final Riot! and my first band t shirt of any kind for Christmas 2 years ago, and of course, learned every word to all the live versions of the songs. I illegally downloaded every cover and b-side I could scour and scooped up the Singles Club as quick as possible.

my paramore collection :)

The year that my dad finally let me do things by myself was made even more sweeter because of them. I didn’t have an iPod that could play without headphones, but I wanted to listen to music while I rode my bike around my neighborhood. So, I took my dad’s old phone that he gave me and recorded “Renegade” onto it and felt like the coolest person flying down the middle of the biggest hill on my sticker-covered bike with my black cargo pants on. 

Obsessed? Yeah, I know. Don’t forget every night (or just any general time in my room) where I got out my hair brush and headbanged and lip synched to all of “The Final Riot!” til I was sweaty.

my hayley posters, ft. some patrick stump

this one's my fav

TAYLOR YORK

this is by my fitness calendar also bc im a total flabby tummy CREEP

And I never really thought about why I loved them so much, but I guess it’s because they’ve been the most confident role models in my life? I want to be just like Hayley Williams and Taylor York and Jeremy Davis and Zac and Josh Farro, not in the carbon-copy “ew you poser” way. They are so convincingly comfortable with themselves, and I always wanted to have that same confidence, that same assuredness. (I also might have possibly gotten bangs bc of Hayley...but look how great that worked out for me)(AKA NOT GREAT)

*intense crying*

They’re different than any other pop punk bands, they don't whine about themselves. Ever. Every lyric was always in control: never too positive, never too negative. They always had the perfect balance of being optimistic and yet understanding of how everything is shitty, like “Don’t go cryin’ to your mama / cuz you’re on your own / in the real world” from Ain’t It Fun. And it’s always seemed like they knew their imperfections and what they could improve on and always were, “I wanna know what it’d be like / to find perfection in my pride / to see nothing in the light / and turn it off in all my spite”, from “Turn It Off”. I could go on forever with quotes and songs and albums and sounds and everything, but I’d be writing for years. Seriously, they don’t have any bad songs, and no, I cannot pick a favorite song/album/anything, it’s 2 damn hard *ugly crying* Instead, here’s a 2-fer and a 1-fer that’ll show anybody the IMMENSE CRAZY MIND BENDING SPELL BINDING POWER that Paramore has. 

^^ there's an "official" audio version of the top one on spotify and itunes and what not from their self tited deluxe album if you would rather, but i think you really got watch to get the full effect. also, the version from "the final riot!" (without part 2) is EPIC AS HELL AS WELL BC DRUMS

btw: in the first phot below, that's josh farro on hayleys left, and zac farro on her right.

they're bros, playin lead guitar and killer drums, respectively.

some shit happened, then they left...but i wasnt a fan then so i wasnt scarred emotionally like everyone else, i just never WITNESSED THE FARRO MAGIC 

1.0 lookin fresh as well w/ their gum of bubble

2.0 lookin fresh

EVEN FRESHER WITH THE BOW TIE U GO JEREMY

*bursts into tears at taylors eVERYTHING*

And no Paramore post would be complete without talking about Hayley Williams. I would never exclude Taylor York or Jeremy Davis, but I just look up to Hayley more than anything.

First off… fucking fashion. This girl never stops.

i've been trying to recreate this look since this damn
video came out goddammit

she's also wearing yellow converse, i cant
tell you how happy this outfit makes me

BONUS

Here's me being a weirdo 

what???? i TOTALLY thought of this myself...totally...

*bieber voice* swag

Second...vocals. 

^^I figured I couldn't post every song they've ever played, so there's a wonderful complication of killer live vocals. 

And, finally... SHES SUCH A PUNK SWEETHEART.

This band makes me cry all the time and I really really hope they make you cry eventually, too. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

the voices: trailer

Comic Book Club strikes again! 

My friends and I are making a short film about a troubled boy in an insane asylum for CBC's Fan Film Festival (CBCF3). We haven't started filming the actual movie, but we did make the trailer.

It doesn't make much sense at all, but we promise this will be the best shittiest movie ever. Thanks for watching and without further ado, here you go!

THIS MARCH!

stolen moments

My school's jazz band was going to play at the Lakeland Jazz Fest tomorrow at Lakeland Community College, but school's cancelled cause its -25 degrees!!! I'm quite crushed (I really wanted to go) so I'm drowning myself in the songs we were going to play. Blues band  was gonna play "Freddie Freeloader", "Work Song", "Back At The Chicken Shack", and "Mr. PC". Our jazz band was going to play "A Riff In Time" by Jack Feierman, "Children Of Sanchez" by Chuck Mangione, "Georgia, On My Mind" by Hoagy Carmichael, and "Stolen Moments" by Oliver Nelson. Stolen is my favorite our of all of them, so here's the recording (lil different than our arrangement, even better than it)



inspired by the head + the tenor sax solo at 4:13 :)

stolen moments

your lingering eyes caught mine
a fresh pair to rid myself
of the empty shot glasses staring back at me

fancy meeting you here,
with your soul's windows darker than night
your shutters beating steady to the hi-hat

your glittering irises lure me in, 
the soft brush of your skin
crescendos through my whole being

take me beyond time and space 
with you, none are existent
for your captivating trance, has stolen me away

don't stay in school

Friday, when I was supposed to be in study hall, I stayed with my science teacher, along with my friend Tamara. We were talking about me and Tamara's group English paper about culture, and this came up. He showed us this video, but before he did, he told us to close his classroom door, because "they" wouldn't like this. It makes perfect sense that he is talking about school administrators, even though it shouldn't at all. It baffles me how many things are overlooked in basic education, and especially how my teacher would have to basically censor this, just in case an assistant principal walked by. Anyways, here's the video and a poster that he showed us after we watch it. Hopefully, it gives you some thoughts.  (✿☯.☯) 

x

PS. I have this idea to make information about the ideas he talks about available/condensed/in on place? But I have to actually put effort into that, and haaaa that will be a while. But I might work on it sometime soon, because if we can't get it from school, there should be a quick easy way to access info like that. Maybe I'll actually do it. Won't that be something?

sadness /= forever (repost)

[Disclaimer: I have no idea what I was on when I wrote this, but this was almost exactly a year ago (Feb. 2, 2014), halfway into my freshman year. I wrote this for my old blog that I abandoned so rudely, and I wanna delete it once and for all. This was the first thing I ever really put work into for writing not related to school, so it's really important for me. here's a japanese thinking emoji to get u in the mood (*ゝ(ェ)･)ﾉ.｡o○ ]

[Oh, and the edit really is from like the couple days after I wrote it. OK enjoy]


Alright so I'm gonna talk about some real shit in my life right now. Warning: self discovery may appear as pretentiousness (since tons of people already have stated these facts) Approach with caution.

Lately, I've come to a realization that I can actually change the way I think. CRAAAAZZY, RIGHT? This seems painfully obvious, but I don't think that I had really grasped it until now. Or a couple days ago.

~~SIT DOWN KIDS AND GRAB YOUR JUICE BOXES, ITS STORYTIME~~
Once upon a time, there was a small, confused girl named Rachelle. Rachelle had been feeling down. On her way home from school one day, she cried because she didn't have any friends, felt fat, and like that slab of meat after the kick-ass training montage. That night, she listened to the strong words of the great philosopher, T. Swift, she realized, "Holy fuckin shit, I can be, like, my own person. WooOHOOoHohoHOHOOOOoOooo!!!" 
~~The End.~~

Alright, Rachelle is not as dramatic as this Rachel, but that was the gist of the situation. 
I was feeling really shitty and did the whole "i haaaate my friends theyre so annoyyingg" that ALWAYSS is accompanied by the "waaaaa why dont i do anything why do my friends have so many friends why did i make an instagram whyy do they not do anything with me whyyyy" thoughts. This goes on at least once a week. 

But then, as Rachelle experienced, I was in the shower, dancing, singing, and being super happy to "Red" by Taylor Swift and, as cliche as this sounds, it just clicked. I thought, "I'm so happy right now, why am I so whiny and depressed all the time?" Which I deduced it down to being the "addicted-to-your-sadness disease" after loooooong hours of wretched contemplation.

I remember reading this one post on tumblr (this phrase is becoming wayyy too common in my life) that said something along the lines of, "Sadness is not as great as the songs make it feel." For a long time, I had been fascinated with the idea of having problems and being able to, in a way, claim something as my own that necessarily wasn't mine. I can remember now, that each time I was in a depressed mood, I would feel satisfied and like I was part of something special somehow. Something bigger than me. Something I couldn't control, but I really could because none of it was real. I admit that at a lot of those times, there were real reasons for me to be in a depressed mood: my friend was going through a tough time, I put off my homework and had no idea what was going on, I didn't do my chores so I got yelled at, or any other number of superficial things. And yeah, being sad is okay. But I was drawing everrryyytthinnngg out for as long as I could. I would even make up scenarios in my head that would make me sad. I would go on 8tracks and search "sad+alternative" or "depressed+sleep" and would listen to them at night, falling asleep to them and my imaginary and over-exaggerated fuck-ups in my head. 

As I think about this more, I find it coming back to glamorization of sadness. This could be because I just need something/one that I need to blame my past predicament, but I'm not sure.
But what I do know for sure is that I could draw up a list of a shit ton of characters in books, movies, and TV shows that have that distraught, sad, like-me-and-feel-attached-to-me-because-I-think-a-lot-and-I-feel-all-the-time-how-you-feel-when-you're-sad type. And also, they would all have really tough, serious problems and lives and were just down in the dumps a lot.

EX:

Fiona and Debbie Gallagher (well all the gallaghers) from Shameless (US)

Debs is amazinggg love her like i do kk

This lady is so rad, you don't even know.

Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim vs the World

*swoon* 

Kim Kelly from Freaks and Geeks

"I have to be a bitch."

Sam and Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower

*flails*

Jane Lane and Daria from Daria

They don't even need a caption.

Lemony Snicket from A Series of Unfortunate Events

He (and Panic! at the Disco) gave
me a passion for ridiculously big words.

Caitlin and Ingrid from Hold Still (it's by Nina Lacour gooo read it)

This book ruined my life.

Alaska from Looking for Alaska 

This book also ruined my life.

Mia from Fish Tank (this movie is dark as fuck but it was so enticing for some reason. i swear i pretended to be her for like 9 years in this past summer)

I tried to dress like her too. Look at her earrings, do you blame me?

And sooooo many more but I can't think of others for some reason. I might add some later if I think of any more.


And practically all my life, I've admired these rad characters because of this. I thought that their ability to be sad was brave and courageous and that if I did this too, I could be a strong person person, just like them. And I have this really crazy imagination coupled with only-child disorder so when I was at my dad's house and I road my bike or walked around the neighborhood, I would listen to music and think about some of these characters and actually pretend to, essentially, be them. Crazy, right? Frankly, I'm quite embarrassed to admit it. In retrospect, it prooobbbablyyy wasn't a good idea to try and morph myself into these not even real people. It completely baffles me to how much certain pieces of art/media have influenced my thinking and even how I act. For example, I'm pretty sure I  I keep thinking about how if maybe I never did this, or never read The Perks of Being a Wallflower or never watched certain movies or series that were really dark or had such strong themes. I'm pretty sure I would be a completely different person than I am now. Including lighter topics. For example, I never ever would have the sense of humor I have now if it wasn't for The Office or Drake and Josh (god bless them all). And even music. I can't count how many times I've walked down the street on the verge of tears to "Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne or "A Fond Farewell" by Elliott Smith. I can see now that literally everything that I grew attached to, I realllyyyyy grew attached to. So I've figured out that maybe this wasn't such a bad thing: to wallow in the sadness of the moment and trying to achieve that feeling more often. It was probably harmful at the time and I probably could have been playing kickball or something besides listening to "Asleep" by The Smiths on repeat for the ten millionth time. Or walking in the rain to "We Are Broken" by Paramore. 

But, I guess that's the whole part in growing up. You learn when you can allow yourself be nostalgic for that sad feeling. When you learn that it's alright to actually feel sad for awhile and then spring back and dance to the Nouvelle Vague version of "Dancing with Myself. When you figure out whether to lay in bed and eat mashed potatoes and go on tumblr and Youtube all day instead of doing your homework. When you figure out that you could actually be productive instead of consuming yourself in that mashed-potatoes-sweatpants-bed feeling. And of course, it means that sometimes that you have no fucking clue of how you want to feel so you just end up laying on your bedroom floor in the dark. As long as you figure out that you can control what you think. 


[EDIT: i wrote this a couple days ago and i just reread this, and i just wanna clarify that im not talking about actual clinical depression or serious mental health problems in regard to the "you control what you feel/think" thing bc i have no idea about if you can or not bc ive never experienced any of those things.]

cold house, hat on, can't WARMTH

it's freeeezing in my house (feels like -15°F D: un fucking godly) and i don't have school tomorrow, so i'm bumming around in sweats, procrastinating my homework another day, being bored 5evr. so!! a wild song comes out of nowhere!!



"Guess I still don't see the difference between real purpose and that urgent adolescence" <-- my fav lyrics 

One of my favorites from La Dispute. Sounds like Owl City a little bit lol
Thinking of making a cover, but it might just be the hypothermia craziness setting in (ง ◕ั⌑◕ั)ว ⁾ 

14 Things for The Valentine-less To Do on Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. And there's no need to feel like this!!

If you’re valentine-less like me, I created a survival guide to get through all the hearts and kisses.

I got you, dude. 

1. Who needs a date when your best friend is chocolate??? Take your ass to the dollar store and buy yourself some. ℓ (＾-＾)＿日❤ ϚϦοςӧԼձϮϵ❣
2. Everybody’s buzzing about Fifty Shades of Grey, but you can do so much better. Going to the theater on V-Day is a terrible idea, but you can have way more fun for way less at home. Catch up on tv! Watch movies online! Here’s a whole tumblr full of movie master posts if you trust these sites. Solarmovie is my favorite website. And it has ENDLESS options.
3. TV!! Don’t even need cable or a paid subscription! Watch My Mad Fat Diary! Shameless! Orphan Black! SNL’s 40th anniversary episode is on at 11:30 V-Day night, too! Go crazy.
4. Check out Rhiannon McGavin’s Condensed Shakespeare version of Romeo and Juliet to remind you that being un-single TOTALLY SUCKS AND ALWAYS ENDS IN DISASTER. Phew. You dodged a bullet.
5. Maybe you don’t wanna watch anything… understandable. Maybe music’s more your thing. 8tracks has a MYRIAD of V-Day mixes for all the types of feelings you’ll probably feel.
   
   Here’s some of my favorites. (Or you can make your own) // Pizza Can Be My Valentine // OH SNAP Is Valentine Coming? // 14 Tracks for the 14th //
6. Fifty Shades of Grey’s soundtrack is out and even though it’s “romantic”, it’s also creepy as hell, and today is Friday the 13th, and everyday is a good day for creepy sexy music.There’s plenty of 8tracks mixes out there with all the songs on it already, saving you the time of downloading it...because be honest, all we cared about was “Crazy in Love”. // here's one mix edit: only a cover of crazy in love on there :( //
7. Take a walk (or drive lol im 2 young, i forget ppl have cars). Go grab some coffee or hot chocolate somewhere. There’s gotta be a V-Day sale goin’ on somewhere. Might as well take advantage of it.
   

   

   i'd date the hell out of u too ;)

8. Learn about the organization V-Day. Watch the some of the Vagina Monologues. This is one of my favorites
9. Paint your nails! Tutorials: UFO manicure // pizza manicure // cloud manicure
10. DIY your life away== my current favorite: embroidered patches // big eyes // bff earrings
11. OK, this is meant as a gift, but seriously this heart-shaped box of chocolate tutorial is the coolest thing. Listen to some Nirvana to get into the mood.
     
12. Yes, I’m aware the last 3 were literally just links to Rookie...but. JUST PERUSE ROOKIE. You’ll get lost there forever and you’ll love it and feel all kinds of inspired.
13. The most effective point on here= HAVE A PARTY! Get all your fellow single girl/boy friends together, rent library movies, watch netflix, tell them to bring a comfort food of their choice, eat your feelings, and dance the night away. Nothing’s more fun than being single with other people on the most commercially successful “romantic” day of the year. Fuck the system and live it up.
14. If your friends are all busy and all else fails, BROWNIE IN A MUG. ‘Nuff said.

Valentine’s Day is really just another ordinary Saturday. So use it to treat yo’self!

ƪ(♥ﻬ♥)ʃ love yo’self ƪ(♥ﻬ♥)ʃ

PS. Don't be Ryan.

cosplay contest!

I'm finally back! Band and school has taken over my life and I honestly forgot all about this. Butttttt... I'm really feelin' this writing/sharing lameness, so I'm up to it now. 

Way back in October, my school's Comic Book Club held a cosplay contest. Since I'm a short haired, mini girl...I decided to cosplay Toph Bei Fong from Avatar: The Last Airbender!!                                                                                                We had to draw a draft and document every single step of the way (perfect for future blogging :-) This is my first cosplay ever, so I didn't know how to do anything at all, but I think I did a damn good job, if I do say so myself.

So here's my Toph cosplay just to show you, and here's some ideas if you wanna make your own. 

What I Used

• 3 yards of pale yellow fabric

• 1 yard of green fabric 

•  Leftover fusible fleece (used wayyy less than a yard) 

•  Cotton Balls 

•  Thread, seam/hem tape, an iron, and a sewing machine (I pretty much hemmed everything, but I honestly hate sewing and love ironing, so I used the seam/hem tape for all of it.) 

•  Wide, rough, brown ribbon 

•  A basic black headband and some bobby pins 

•  Green sweatpants and short sleeved sweater from Goodwill   

•  Buttons/clasps (I like clasps better, I used about 18 ?) 

Here's the draft of what I wanted

shout out to my toes

  

It started as a newspaper cut out because I had no idea how to make a shirt (??) or anything like that.  I wasted a ton of fabric with this step so I had to add the bottom toga-like part at the bottom to the back piece later. I left a weird flap-like thing to connect the back and front, and then added 2 clasps. Then I sewed all these pieces together so they fit slightly loose. 

I measured some fusible fleece over my head and cut it to fit, then wrapped the front in green fabric and fused it together. Then, I took the yellow fabric and cut it out just like Toph's, and sewed it right on top. I used Elmer's glue to stick some cotton balls together and fabric glue to stick the larger balls onto the headband thing. Finally, I used bobby pins to pin the fabric to a plain black headband. 

I took green fabric and the ribbon and measured across my ankles and wrists, and then sewed them together. I used 2 clasps per wrist thing, and 1 clasp per ankle thing to keep them together. The ribbon had a metal outside part that made it easy to just fold it under so I didn't hem the sides of these.

  

These fab felt-y pants were like 2 bucks. Just hemmed them quite a bit.

And that's it!!

We took pictures doing things like our characters, so me and my friends went to the park to take some sweet ass pics B)

Our adventure included walking around town in our costumes (and me mostly in bare feet in the end of October), getting Burger King, and talking to lots of strangers where we learned that if you dress weird, people think that gives them permission to talk to you. We were planning on using these for our Halloween costumes, but it rained and was cold as shit so we all did different things, so we only really wore these for this and the contest ;P

Finished Product

✧*.◟(ˊᗨˋ)◞.*✧ᗯ੨~ɪ̊♪ْ˖⋆

My BFFs and me being dumb as hell
photo cred to our fab friend talia

Behind the tree, is Kristen. She mixed Jeff the Killer and Slenderman and made a KICK ASS costume, complete with face paint and doctoring her own tentacles out of tights and cotton. And then, Kayla, next to me, cosplayed Marceline the Vampire Queen ^-^ complete with grey face paint and a paper mache bass!!! 

And guess what??? ME AND KAYLA WON!!! 

٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Thanks for reading, 

               love, rachel rae